Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
