I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
