Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
