Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
