Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
