I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
