Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
