I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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