Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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