She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
