I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
