Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think my fart just growled at me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
