I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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