pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
