I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
