now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were destined to go to rehab together
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
