pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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