I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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