I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
