I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
