Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
