You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
