his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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