Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
