i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
