Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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