A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
