glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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