I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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