Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
