If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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