fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
