I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
BRING THE BAGELS
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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