Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up under a house in Key West
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
