Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
