your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
