she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
