i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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