Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
