College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How does one acquire holy water?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
