Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
