You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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