He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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