then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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