I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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