I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have post one night stand depression
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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