Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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