barbara walters just said penis...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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