The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
