Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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