Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
