i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
