Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
